"I'm Not Good Enough"by Jared Horton - Senior Pastor | Real Life Ministries Newport - Newport, WA
“I’m not good enough.”
I don’t know why this thought established residence in my mind, but it did. Being “good enough” lives at the top of my list in the battle to obey and grow as greatest hurdle a disciple of Jesus. However, this phrase has been a powerful teacher, showing me the faithfulness of our God.
This thought took root in my mind when I was a child watching the leaders of my church. In my eyes, the pastor was a legend; revered by everyone, Bible college education, obviously called by God, and he had answers to every question that anyone could ask. Beyond that, he seemed to live a flawless, holy life. In my mind, this was the kind of man that God would use. He was good enough.
In contrast, I would look at my own life. For education, I was average. I had as many questions about God as I had answers. I never had a deep experience with God where He called me into His service. And most of all, I was sinful. You may not have seen it on the outside, but inside I knew I was sinful. I was not good enough. God didn’t need to use me when He had other more qualified people around to do His work.
My beliefs on this began to change when I began attending Real Life Ministries in Post Falls. I watched as “unqualified” people around me stepped up into roles of ministry and service. As these people served they grew in their faith, and the church became a healthy environment for discipleship.
Being in this environment caused me to change my thinking. I still saw the unqualified, uncalled, sinful person in the mirror. But, if other people could do something for the Kingdom, maybe I could too.
I stepped out and began leading a small group. This participation led me to grow closer to Jesus. This growth led to other opportunities, which led to more dependence on Him. I have now pastored Real Life Newport for 16 years. I still struggle with the thought, “I’m not good enough”. I still feel unqualified, uncalled, and too sinful to be in the role He has placed me, but these thoughts are no longer limitations. Jesus has redefined my limitations so they can reflect His glory.
Now, as I navigate leadership within the church, I want to replicate the culture of participation that drew me into ministry. I don’t know the path God has for each person He brings to our church. I do know they have many of the same fears and roadblocks in their minds which I experienced myself. I can see it in their eyes; they don’t feel qualified, they feel as if they aren’t called, they believe they are too sinful. I must show them how Jesus redefines our limitations.
Abiding in Him is the greatest qualification—One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Acts 4:13 “When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.” Knowing Jesus is the greatest qualification for ministry.
Obedience is the highest calling—I believed for much of my life that I needed to have an unmistakable “calling” from God to be used in His Kingdom. However, God has called all of us into a lifetime of service. Obedience is the calling of every disciple, not just some. I must abide in Christ, and He will direct my path. There is no greater impact I can have for the Kingdom of God than a daily surrender to His voice.
Vulnerability displays His perfection—I am a sinner, and so is every other Christian leader. When I am transparent with my faults, God’s grace is seen through me and His redemption becomes my strength, not my limitation.
A healthy relational environment depends on the participation of everyone involved. As leaders, we must be aware of roadblocks that prevent engagement. May we model a dependence on Jesus who is good enough, even when we aren’t.
Real Life Ministries Newport